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Those still hoping are OK say counselors NEW YORK, Sept. 14 (UPI) -- Are the loved ones of those
missing in the wake of the Twin Towers collapse properly dealing with
their grief as they wait outside the New York National Guard armory in
Manhattan under cold, grey skies -- clutching onto photographs and hope?
It is an extremely delicate question. Many only vaguely
know the stages of grief, with denial being most familiar. As the knowledge
that most of the missing may very well prove dead sinks in, many worry
that waiting out in the rain may do frantic families more harm than good.
Counseling experts, however, reassure otherwise. "I think at this point, it's a very empowering thing
for them to do, in that they're not just sitting at home obsessing and
crying by themselves," said author and clinical psychologist Jeffrey
Gardere of Rainbow Psychological Services in New York. "Even though
they may know or suspect that their missing person is dead, I think it's
a good thing for them to be with other people together out there, because
they're talking with otherpeople on the line and probably started a camaraderie."
The stages of grief begin with denial, then work slowly
through a sense of fear and anger, explained clinical social worker Eli
Hoch, director of clinical services at New York Psychotherapy and Counseling
Center. Eventually people reach a point where they work through what they
are experiencing and develop a sense of acceptance of the situation. Are the people who pleadingly thrust forward pictures
for all the world to see in denial? "Even if they are in denial, which many might not
be, it may not be denial that it happened or that it's as bad as it is,"
Hoch said in an interview with United Press International. "Denial
to an extent gives you the hope that you can continue with the effort,
to keep on rescue efforts for recovery." "Where it becomes problematic is if or when they
refuse to leave, and days and days have gone by," Gardere said. "They
could fall into a hopeless depression. But at this point it's very healthy
what they're doing -- extremely healthy." Hoch said that for those loved ones on line, those on
line with them form "the first line of defense in reaching out and
trying to grapple with what happened," along with other informal
networks of support -- family, friends, churches and schools. "For them to be around others, sharing the experience
-- sharing the warmth out there in this cold weather -- is what is going
to be partially what helps people through this," Hoch told UPI. "It's
all overwhelming on one's own. People need to know that they're not unique,
that it's not you against the world and what's happened, it's you and
everyone else." For some the rain may even prove helpful, although it
might be a "double-edged sword," Gardere said. "The cold, the damp, the rain ... it may be easier
for some people to deal with this very bad time with complementary stormy
weather," he commented. "For some people, the rain is washing
away the smoke, the dirt, the ash, and emotionally, it's cleansing for
a lot of people ... (but) this weather also tends to isolate people, and
the lack of warmth from the sun may lead to seasonal depression, and that's
certainly what we don't need right now." Those who may perhaps feel guilty or conflicted turning
away from images of these vigilant thousands as they hold pictures of
the missing may forgive themselves, the counselors add. "It's just counter-productive to constantly subject
oneself to those images on television, especially if you're already feeling
depressed, despondent or in shock," Gardere told UPI. "Even
though it's empowering to get all this information, at some point you
go into psychological meltdown. ... People need to start conserving their
emotional energy for whatever awaits us in the near future, because the
story is far from over." Hoch and Gardere urge people to seek counseling for the
outside perspective it provides on their own situations. "The more support a person has, the better," Hoch said. "You don't want to be washed away by your grief." |